Stop Starting Sales Conversations With a Lie

I keep getting messages through my website contact form that start with some version of the same line:

“Hey, I tried emailing you, but it didn’t go through, so I thought I’d reach out through your website.”

Really?

Because I run the mail server.

That’s usually my first thought. Not because I think email is perfect. It isn’t. Messages get filtered. Servers have issues. DNS can be misconfigured. Spam filters can be aggressive. All of that is true. But in this case, my email works just fine. I receive plenty of it. Clients reach me. Vendors reach me. Random strangers reach me. Automated systems reach me. Believe me, email has no problem finding me.

And if someone genuinely tried to email me and it failed, there would usually be some evidence of that. A bounce message. An error. A delivery failure notification. Something. But that’s almost never what’s happening.

What’s happening is much simpler: someone is using a little sales tactic.

The message usually follows a predictable pattern. First, they supposedly tried to reach me by email. Something mysteriously went wrong. Fortunately, they found another way to contact me through my website. Then comes the pitch.

They can improve my SEO.

They can redesign my website.

They can generate more leads.

They can improve my Google rankings.

They can help my business grow.

They can fix some vague issue with my online presence.

They have a special offer.

They noticed something “wrong” with my site.

They work with businesses just like mine.

They have a proven process.

It’s always some version of the same thing.

And every time I read one of these messages, I have the same reaction: who exactly are you fooling?

Because if the goal is to make the message feel more legitimate, it does the opposite. It immediately tells me that the sender is willing to invent a story just to get my attention. That’s not a great first impression, especially when the thing they’re trying to sell requires trust.

And most business services do require trust.

If you’re trying to sell me SEO, you’re asking me to trust your knowledge, your methods, your judgment, and your ethics. If you’re trying to redesign my website, you’re asking me to trust you with my brand, my messaging, my customers’ experience, and often access to systems that matter to my business. If you’re trying to generate leads, you’re asking me to trust the way you represent my company in the marketplace. If you’re offering marketing, advertising, content, web development, automation, consulting, or anything remotely strategic, you’re asking for trust.

So why would you begin by demonstrating that you’re willing to make something up?

That’s the part I don’t understand.

Actually, I do understand it. I understand why the tactic exists. “I tried reaching you before” feels different from “Hi, I’m a stranger sending you an unsolicited sales pitch.”

The first one creates the impression that there is already some kind of interaction between us. It makes it feel like I may have missed something. Maybe I should pay attention. Maybe I should respond because this is a follow-up, not an interruption.

That’s the trick.

It manufactures a little bit of implied history. It creates a tiny artificial sense of familiarity. It suggests effort. It suggests importance. It suggests that this person already took one step toward me and now they’re trying again.

But if it isn’t true, it’s a deception.

Maybe it feels small. Maybe it feels harmless. Maybe the salesperson thinks, “Everybody does this,” or “It’s just a way to get through,” or “If I can just start the conversation, they’ll see I can help.” But that doesn’t change what it is.

It’s a lie used as an opener.

And that matters.

In sales and marketing, we spend a lot of time talking about attention. How do you get attention? How do you break through a crowded inbox? How do you stand out? How do you get someone to stop scrolling, stop deleting, stop ignoring, and actually respond?

Those are fair questions. Getting attention is hard. Cold outreach is hard. Most people don’t want another pitch. They’re busy. They’re skeptical. They’ve heard it all before. They get flooded with emails, calls, DMs, texts, form submissions, automated sequences, and “quick question” messages from people they’ve never met.

So I understand the pressure.

I understand why people reach for clever tactics.

But clever and dishonest are not the same thing.

There are ways to earn attention. There are ways to be creative, useful, specific, relevant, and timely. There are ways to start a conversation that don’t require pretending something happened when it didn’t.

That difference matters more than a lot of people seem to realize.

The real problem with these little false openings is not just that they’re annoying. It’s that they borrow against trust.

And trust is not something you should casually borrow against.

When you say, “I tried emailing you, but it didn’t go through,” and that isn’t true, you’re using a false premise to create a reason for me to read your message. You’re trying to make your outreach feel warmer than it is. You’re asking me to treat you less like a stranger because you’ve implied that we already had some prior contact.

That may increase your response rate in the short term. Maybe a few more people read the message. Maybe a few more people reply. Maybe it works well enough that someone, somewhere, decided to put it into a template and blast it through contact forms all over the internet.

But what happens when the recipient realizes it wasn’t true?

Now the entire conversation is contaminated.

You say you can improve my rankings. Is that true?

You say you found a problem on my site. Is that true?

You say you’ve helped hundreds of businesses. Is that true?

You say your strategy delivers results. Is that true?

You say your services are different. Is that true?

You say you care about helping my business. Is that true?

You created the doubt. Not me.

That’s the part salespeople need to think about. Once you introduce doubt at the very beginning, everything else you say has to fight through that doubt. You made your own job harder. You may have gotten attention, but you got it in a way that damaged the very thing you need in order to make the sale.

It’s like walking into a job interview and opening with a fake credential, then hoping the employer will still believe the rest of your resume.

Maybe they won’t catch it right away. Maybe they’ll keep talking to you. But if they do catch it, why would they trust the rest?

This is especially strange in industries where the service being sold is credibility.

SEO companies do this all the time. Marketing companies do it. Web design companies do it. Lead generation companies do it. Consultants do it. Agencies do it. People whose entire pitch is basically, “Trust us to improve the way your business appears to the world,” begin by appearing untrustworthy.

That is an odd choice.

And to be clear, this isn’t only about the specific “I tried emailing you” line. That’s just one example. The bigger issue is the whole category of sales tactics based on fake context.

Fake familiarity.

Fake urgency.

Fake concern.

Fake compliments.

Fake referrals.

Fake research.

Fake personalization.

Fake problems.

Fake follow-ups.

You’ve seen these too.

“I was just looking at your website and noticed some serious SEO issues.”

Were you? Or is that a sentence in a template?

“I’ve been trying to reach you.”

Have you? Or is this the first message?

“Someone from your company suggested I contact you.”

Who? Be specific.

“I loved your recent article.”

Which one?

“I noticed your business isn’t ranking well on Google.”

For what search term? In what location? Compared to whom?

“We found errors on your site that are costing you customers.”

What errors? Show me.

“Your website is not mobile friendly.”

Are you sure? Did you check?

“I wanted to follow up on my last message.”

Did you actually send one?

Some of those statements can be true. If they are true, fine. Use them. If you genuinely noticed something specific and relevant, say it. If someone really referred you, name them. If you really read something I wrote, mention the point that stood out to you. If you really found a technical issue, show it clearly. If you really sent a previous message, reference it honestly.

The problem is not using context.

The problem is manufacturing context.

There’s a big difference between saying, “I noticed your contact form loads slowly on mobile, and here’s a screenshot from my test,” and saying, “Your website has serious issues” when you haven’t looked at anything.

There’s a big difference between saying, “I read your post about small business websites and had a thought about local search,” and saying, “I love your content” when you don’t even know what the business does.

There’s a big difference between saying, “I know this is a cold outreach message,” and pretending it’s not.

Honesty is refreshing because it’s rare.

A simple, direct message can be much more effective than a manipulative one. Something like:

“I know you don’t know me, so I’ll keep this short. I help businesses improve their local search visibility. I took a quick look at your site and noticed one thing that may be worth fixing. If you’d like, I can send it over.”

That may or may not get a response. But it doesn’t create distrust. It doesn’t insult the recipient’s intelligence. It doesn’t depend on a made-up premise.

Or:

“I’m reaching out cold, so no worries if this isn’t relevant. I work with companies that need help converting more website visitors into leads. I noticed your main call to action is a little hard to find on mobile. Would it be useful if I sent a quick note with what I mean?”

Again, it might not work. But at least it’s honest. It gives the recipient a clear reason to care. It offers something specific. It doesn’t pretend to be a follow-up. It doesn’t claim a failed email. It doesn’t invent a relationship.

That’s a better foundation.

Salespeople sometimes act like truth is a disadvantage. Like if they say, “This is a cold outreach message,” no one will answer. But people already know. They can feel it. They can smell the template. They know when a stranger is pretending not to be a stranger.

You don’t necessarily lose points for being a stranger. Everyone starts as a stranger. You lose points for pretending you aren’t one.

There is nothing wrong with reaching out to someone you don’t know. Businesses do need services. People do discover vendors through outreach. A well-timed, well-written, relevant cold message can be helpful. I’m not against sales. I’m not against marketing. I’m not against outreach.

I’m against beginning a potential business relationship with something untrue.

That should not be a controversial position.

And yet, judging from the number of messages that use these tactics, it apparently is.

One of the reasons this keeps happening is that people measure the wrong thing. They measure opens, clicks, replies, booked calls, and short-term conversion rates. Those metrics matter, but they don’t tell the whole story.

A deceptive opener might increase replies. But what kind of replies? From whom? At what cost? And what happens to everyone who doesn’t reply, but now has a negative impression of your company?

That part is harder to measure.

If you send 1,000 messages and 20 people reply, you may call it a win. But what about the hundreds of people who saw the message, recognized the tactic, and decided they would never do business with you? What about the people who reported it as spam? What about the people who now associate your brand with dishonesty? What about the people who might have considered your service later, but now won’t?

Sales tactics have brand consequences.

Every outreach message teaches the recipient something about you.

It teaches them how you think.

It teaches them how you communicate.

It teaches them how much you respect their time.

It teaches them whether you pay attention.

It teaches them whether you are honest when there is no relationship yet and no accountability.

That last one is important. If you’re willing to be slippery before I’m even a customer, what should I expect after I become one?

If the first interaction is manipulative, why would I assume the proposal will be straightforward?

If the first claim is false, why would I assume the results will be reported honestly?

If the outreach is careless, why would I assume the work will be careful?

That may sound harsh, but that’s how trust works. We make judgments from the information available. In a cold outreach situation, the message itself is the sample. It’s the first product demonstration. It’s the first proof of how you operate.

If that sample shows me dishonesty, exaggeration, or carelessness, I don’t need a sales call.

I already learned enough.

This is why fake concern is another version of the same problem. A lot of messages show up with a tone of alarm:

“I noticed some major issues with your website.”

“Your site is not performing well.”

“You are missing out on a lot of traffic.”

“Your competitors are outranking you.”

“You have technical errors that are hurting your business.”

Maybe that’s true. Sometimes websites do have problems. Sometimes businesses are missing opportunities. Sometimes there are technical issues worth discussing.

But if the person sending the message has not done the work to know whether the claim is true, then it’s just fear-based spam. It’s not helpful. It’s not consultative. It’s not professional insight. It’s a scare tactic.

And scare tactics can also damage trust.

If you tell someone there’s a serious problem and they discover there isn’t, you don’t look like an expert. You look like someone who uses anxiety as bait.

The same goes for fake compliments.

“I love your website.”

No, you don’t.

“I’m impressed by your brand.”

Are you?

“I’ve been following your work.”

Have you?

A real compliment is great. A specific compliment can be a wonderful way to start a conversation. But generic flattery usually feels hollow. It feels like the sender believes I’m so eager to be praised that I won’t notice the compliment could apply to anyone.

If you love something, say what it is. If you’re impressed by something, tell me why. If you’ve been following my work, reference something real. If you can’t do that, don’t fake it.

You don’t have to compliment someone to sell to them.

You have to be relevant.

That’s where a lot of outreach fails. It tries to substitute tricks for relevance. Instead of doing the harder work of understanding who the message is going to, what they might need, what problem might actually matter to them, and whether the timing makes sense, it uses a formula designed to create the illusion of relevance.

But illusion is fragile.

Real relevance is stronger.

If you can say, “I noticed you serve customers in Santa Barbara, Ventura, and San Luis Obispo, but your location pages are all using nearly identical content. That can make it harder for search engines to understand the local value of each page,” that is very different from, “We can improve your SEO.”

If you can say, “Your booking button disappears below the fold on mobile, and that may be costing you inquiries,” that is different from, “Your website needs redesign.”

If you can say, “Your Google Business Profile has two categories that may not match your primary service, and your top competitor is using a more specific category,” that is different from, “We can improve your Google rankings.”

Specific beats clever.

Useful beats manipulative.

Truth beats tactics.

Now, I know some people will say, “But if I don’t use tactics, I won’t get responses.”

Maybe. But that’s not an argument for deception. That’s an argument for getting better at outreach.

If the only way a sales message works is by misleading the recipient, the message isn’t good. The offer may not be good. The targeting may not be good. The timing may not be good. The positioning may not be good. The salesperson may be trying to force a conversation that hasn’t been earned.

That doesn’t mean outreach should be boring or passive. It doesn’t mean you can’t be creative. It doesn’t mean you can’t write a subject line that catches attention. It doesn’t mean you can’t lead with a surprising observation or a thoughtful challenge.

It just means the thing you say should be true.

That’s a pretty low bar.

A good sales message can be direct:

“I help businesses reduce wasted ad spend. I noticed one possible issue in your current landing page flow. Want me to send a quick explanation?”

It can be generous:

“I made a short list of three improvements that could make your service pages clearer. No pitch required — happy to send it if useful.”

It can be curious:

“Are you currently trying to get more leads from organic search, or is most of your business coming from referrals?”

It can be concise:

“I work with companies that are getting traffic but not enough inquiries. Your site looks like it may have that issue. Open to a quick note?”

It can be transparent:

“This is a cold email, so I’ll be brief.”

It can even be funny, if that fits your voice. But it should not depend on a lie.

The question I think every salesperson should ask before using a clever tactic is this:

If the prospect knew exactly why I said this, would it increase their trust in me or decrease it?

That’s the test.

If the prospect knew this was a fake follow-up, would it increase their trust? No.

If the prospect knew the compliment came from a template and had nothing to do with them, would it increase their trust? No.

If the prospect knew the “serious problem” was a generic scare line sent to thousands of businesses, would it increase their trust? No.

If the prospect knew “I tried emailing you” was just a way to make the message feel more legitimate, would it increase their trust? Definitely not.

But if the prospect knew you spent five minutes looking at their website and found something real, would that increase trust? Probably.

If they knew you were being upfront that the message was cold, would that increase trust? It might.

If they knew you chose to lead with something useful instead of exaggerating, would that increase trust? Yes.

If they knew you respected their time enough to be brief and clear, would that increase trust? Yes.

That question cuts through a lot of nonsense.

“If they knew exactly why I said this…”

Not if they fall for it.

Not if they don’t notice.

Not if it gets a reply.

Not if it improves the metric.

If they knew exactly why I said this, would it increase their trust in me or decrease it?

That’s the standard.

Because the goal of sales is not just to get attention. It’s to create enough trust for someone to take the next step. Attention without trust is a dead end. In some cases, it’s worse than no attention at all.

If I ignore your message, nothing really happened.

If I read your message and decide you’re dishonest, something did happen. You trained me not to trust you.

That’s a bad outcome.

And it’s unnecessary.

There are plenty of creative ways to earn attention without manufacturing a story.

You can notice something real.

You can ask a good question.

You can share a useful idea.

You can point out an opportunity.

You can give a specific example.

You can offer a small piece of value.

You can be honest about why you’re reaching out.

You can make the message about the recipient instead of your pitch.

You can show that you did more than scrape a contact form and paste a template.

None of that guarantees a response. Nothing does. But it gives you a better chance of building a relationship on solid ground.

And that’s really the point. You don’t have to pretend there’s already a relationship.

Build one.

Start where you actually are.

If you’re a stranger, be a respectful stranger. If it’s a cold message, write a good cold message. If you noticed something, make sure you actually noticed it. If you’re following up, make sure there was something to follow up on. If someone referred you, say who. If you’re concerned, be specific. If you’re complimenting, be genuine.

There’s nothing weak about honesty. There’s nothing unprofessional about transparency. In fact, in a world full of manipulative outreach, being straightforward can make you stand out.

I would much rather receive a message that says, “You don’t know me, and this may not be relevant, but I had one specific thought that might help,” than one that pretends we’ve already been trying to connect.

The honest message may still be unsolicited, but at least it respects reality.

That matters.

Because when the service being sold requires trust, the sales process is part of the proof. The way you sell tells me something about the way you’ll work. The claims you make in the first message tell me how careful you are with the truth. The opener tells me whether you think of me as a person or as a target to be manipulated.

That may not be what the sender intends, but it is what the recipient experiences.

And if the first experience is, “This person is trying to trick me into paying attention,” that’s hard to recover from.

So if you’re doing outreach, especially for a trust-based service, take a minute before you use the clever line. Before you add fake urgency. Before you imply a previous conversation. Before you use a generic scare tactic. Before you say you noticed something you didn’t actually notice.

Ask the question:

If the prospect knew exactly why I said this, would it increase their trust in me or decrease it?

If the answer is decrease, don’t use it.

Find a better way.

Be more specific. Be more useful. Be more relevant. Be more honest. Do the work that makes the message worth reading instead of using a shortcut that makes the message feel suspicious.

Because if you’re selling something that requires trust, starting the relationship with something that isn’t true is a pretty terrible way to prove you’re trustworthy.